Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
