I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
