i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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