Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
This house was built for laser tag.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
