I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
