nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Randomize
