fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
