if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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