I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
