Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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