I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
