once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
