Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
