Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
