her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
My cat gives me a boner
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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