I'm lost and stupid without you.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
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