Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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