hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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