So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
