Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
