I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
