Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
