if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Randomize
