I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
