Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
