If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I love you.
Bad choice
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