this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
