I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
