i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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