He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
