I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
