In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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