I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
