the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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