I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
