Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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