Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
FUCK WHALES
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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