Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
