does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
