i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
