Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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