when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
