I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
