That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Michael Bay diarrhea
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
