i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
