Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
