I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
