If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Randomize
