I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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