But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
